I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
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Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
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When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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