WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
