Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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