no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
