Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I can't put those talents on a resume
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
