im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
