3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
