On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
