dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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