There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
