wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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