my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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