Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
