Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I deserve this hangover.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
