I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
