The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
