I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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