next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
