Joe is yelling at the trees again.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
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I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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