this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
