I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
