He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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