Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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