she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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