that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
