...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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