No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
