Dude my mom stole all your condoms
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...