alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.