morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
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Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
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Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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