Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.