I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
