wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
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Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff