Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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