I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
