I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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