Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
