he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
