had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
