Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
