RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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