Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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