I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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