My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
