She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
