Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My ATM looks so different sober.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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