If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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