need another drink. this is the easiest way
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
