Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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