I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
