I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
