Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
