ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
