3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
