This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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