That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
