I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
