i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
