its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
