I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
