I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
