I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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