that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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