Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
