So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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