It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
