I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
