i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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