Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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