I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
