God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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