I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
