he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Im part way to drunk.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
