Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
