Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
