well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
