I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
