apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
