Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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