I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
