do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
