Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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