Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
