new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
