Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
