It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
