I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
