i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
