You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
